empty

The other day I picked up my phone and instinctively swiped up to unlock my phone and quickly slid my finger to the right of my screen and opened up facebook. Almost as quickly as I started to scroll, I felt the tension surge in my body as I glanced at my news feed. So much sadness, so my hate, so much anger. I couldn't do it, but yet I was doing it. Mindless scrolling, triggering my parasympathetic nervous system once again. Eventually,  I put my phone down but at that time it was too late, I was already discouraged and broken. 

If you have been feeling over loaded and hopeless, it’s because you are probably overloaded and potentially have lost hope. Screen fatigue coupled with information overload has probably gotten you filled with anxiety only to be followed by symptoms of depression. Anxiety and depression: two potentially triggers words; but the symptoms of both have become common in many people. Trouble sleeping, on high alert, expecting something terrible to happen, on edge, difficulty focusing, loss of motivation…etc.

We are tired; physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

We are depleted physically because for many of us, this means too many late night trips to the kitchen or frequent stops at our fast food joints. We are tired mentally, because we’ve been thinking about the safety of others, washing our hands, remembering our masks, and trying our best to hide our judgement of  strangers who aren’t doing the same. We are emotionally drained because we’re having to support so many people around us emotionally. For health care workers we’ve been trying to serve others while having to live through a pandemic ourselves. For front line and service people we’ve been serving people who are frustrated and often, getting the blunt force of people’s trauma. For parents, we’ve been trying to be teachers and play pals. Often times, failing at both. In regards to spiritually, we are empty and don’t even know it. For many believers, the church service has been a source of spiritually. And with that ritual screeching to a halt, we’ve been left short and empty. We’ve had to adjust and let’s be honest for many, we don’t know where our Bible is even if we needed to find it. We’re just tired and don’t even care. 

What do we do then? 

We must first learn to acknowledge and accept these parts of our lives. Acknowledge that while we may try to be the ones helping other people, we might need that help ourselves. We actually might need to engage in self care and reach out to talk to a professional. We must acknowledge within ourselves that we are not super man or super woman, we have tanks that can run empty. We must acknowledge and accept that we are limited in our ability to run forever. If you operate as a professional for most of your days, schedule a day where you can be unprofessional (figuratively speaking and literally). Laugh with a sibling, ride a bike with an old friend, drink boba by yourself while meditating. Do something that takes you out of the norm and causes you to live in a slightly different space. This will aid in helping you turn “off”.

Here’s the thing, you don’t have to do anything to impress God our heavenly father, He’s already impressed by you. All He wants is a relationship and time with you. With that, feel the burden and the pressure to perform slip away as you quietly alter your narrative back into the simple realities of being a child in his presence. He’s not impressed by how much likes, information we absorb, or security we can acquire. He just wants us. If you’ve been conditioned to think otherwise, well that’s wrong. Sitting in His presence can ground you, and in times of uncertainty, grounding is exactly what we need.

“My deepest awareness of myself is that I am deeply loved by Jesus Christ and I have done nothing to earn it or deserve it.”
― Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel

At the end of the day, in order to get to that place of rest, we must acknowledge where we are at physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually and be willing to accept ourselves. We must live simple, put away the phone, get help if you are addicted to the phone, look inward and find that you are enough.